It will be hard for most people to understand why, but this woman said she attempted suicide three times and self-harmed because she is ‘unattractive’.
After developing Body Dysmorphic Disorder in her teens, Alanah Bagwell, 20, refused to leave her room for four years.
And although the world sees a beautiful young woman, Alanah said she thinks it’s ‘cruel’ to let people see her face, reports The Mirror.
Despite having an Instagram account, Alanah admitted she has to take up to 200 pictures a day before finding one she’s happy to share.
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She told the newspaper: ‘I feel so bad for other people having to look at me. It’s cruel to let them see my face.
‘I was trying to take a picture of me that I liked but I’d delete all of them.’
The psychology student, from Henley-on-Thames, Oxfordshire, was 14 when her worries about her appearance started.
People, particularly middle-age men, would stare at her the street, but Alanah said she thought the passers-by were repulsed by her.
Consumed by the illness, Alanah refused to go to school and by the age of 16 tried to commit suicide with an overdose on painkillers.
But after a Google search, she came across the Body Dysmorphic Disorder Foundation, which listed many of her symptoms.
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To help get her life back on track, Alanah went to a private Priory Clinic in North London which set her tasks like ordering food and taking transport.
She has since appeared in BBC4’s No Body’s Perfect where she bravely took part in a photoshoot.
‘I felt very self-conscious during the shoot. There were so many people around and I thought they were probably all staring at me thinking how ugly I was,’ she said.
Alanah now attends university, and although she admits to having bad days, she has come a long way since last year.
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More about Body Dysmorphic Disorder
- BDD is an anxiety disorder that causes a person to have a distorted view of their appearance.
- The person believes they are ugly and that other people think they are too.
- It does not mean the person is vain or self-obsessed.
- These thoughts can have a significant impact on daily life.
- Doctors are not sure what causes it, but it may be genetic or a chemical imbalance in the brain.
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