The next hot trend is drawing a penis on your eyelids

 If you needed proof that the world of beauty is trying much too hard, just look at rainbow roots, ribbon eyeliner, holographic lips, and every other recent beauty trend that requires a whole load of faff just to look good on Instagram.

Man gets USB cable stuck in his penis while pleasuring himself

USB cables can be used in many ways, but ramming it into a penis is not one we recommend.
You could end up like this man from China, who was in an ‘incredible amount of pain’ after connecting himself to a cable.
The man from China’s Shaanxi Province is thought to have been drunk when he started looking up ways of pleasuring himself.
He got this particular idea from a video and, predictably, it backfired – with the poor guy realising his mistake when he couldn’t remove it.

Man filmed hanging dog from a lead and swinging it against train wall

Police are hunting a man who hung a dog by the lead and swung it against the wall of a train.
The Staffordshire Bull Terrier was so frightened it defecated on the seat during the service from Braintree to Witham, on October 10.
Staff cancelled the Essex train after finding excrement in the carriage and after reviewing CCTV they saw the dog had been abused.

Ronaldo sets unwanted record with Real Madrid in Sporting return

Cristiano Ronaldo set an unwanted Champions League record during Real Madrid’s clash with Sporting on Tuesday evening.
The Portugal international returned to his boyhood club having scored a hat-trick to sink Atletico Madrid on Saturday.

Manchester United offer Messi £85m to stay at Barcelona – with the help of Adidas

Manchester United are using help from Adidas to fund an audacious move for Lionel Messi, according to reports in Spain.
Marketing Deportivo claim that the German sportswear manufacturer, who are paying £75 million a season to sponsor United, are concerned by the team’s performances on the pitch, and are worried that United’s lack of success could ultimately damage their own brand.

MPs call for cannabis to be legalised (and it would earn the Treasury £1 billion a year in tax)

 Britain should follow America’s lead and legalise cannabis, and we would rake in £1 billion a year in tax revenues, a cross-party group of MPs has said.
This month’s American election saw two further states legalise cannabis – and  group of MPs from all parties, led by former deputy prime minster Nick Clegg and former health minister Norman Lamb says we should follow suit.

Plane forced to land at Manchester Airport after passengers block all toilets

A plane had to make an emergency landing after passengers blocked up all the toilets on board.
The Boeing 777 – which tends to have eight or nine toilets – was en route from Toronto to Pakistan when it was forced to abort the flight.
The Pakistan International Airlines flight landed at Manchester Airport following problems over the North Sea.